Red Review

We just saw Red in the theatre for the Film Criticism and Review class. Bruce Willis leads the star-powered ensemble cast as former black-ops CIA agent Frank Moses. John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker and Karl Urban play the other various people involved in the deadly plot. The film takes place in many, many different places because Frank is on the run from agents trying to kill him, with the help of his old black ops team. We are introduced to him as a retired agent who chats with Sarah, a woman who is a customer service agent working for Frank's pension office, over the phone. Assassins shoot the heck out of Frank’s house, which causes him to run for his life. He tracks down Sarah, who he might have put in harm’s way, and makes her his not-so-willing companion as he tries to figure out what’s going on.

Honestly, after seeing Red, I think I’ve lost a little bit more faith in what sells. I’m speaking in terms of movies of course and what people consider a good time at the movies. I heard quite a bit of laughing at this one and pretty sure people weren’t laughing at how bad it was. I admit that I began falling asleep at one point so I might not have caught every little nuance, but who am I kidding, there was no nuance or subtlety to this one. I imagine that whoever wrote this movie might be very connected to someone important in the biz or was forced to squeeze out something loud and violent in a short amount of time because Bruce Willis will do anything and people will go and see anything with his name on it. I thought Malkovich, Freeman and Helen Mirren had a little more discretion though. Oh well, at a certain point in an actor’s career the parts available become pretty slim, I guess. Oh screw that, this was a piece of s@#$ and there’s no excuse for taking part in it. When you are as famous as Malkovich, can’t you just do plays or god forbid write your own material? It seems like you could even collaborate with any number of talented, famous and open people. That’s one other thing, is anyone open-minded anymore? Where is the originality in modern day Hollywood? The element of passion seems to glide right over most big-budget stuff too. Red is definitely a prime example of this. It should’ve been called ‘Every Multi-Billionaire Geezer in Hollywood That Can Act Phoning It In and Blowing S@#% Up’.

On a lighter note, the directing seemed pretty competent. The action, fast-pacing, and postcards telling us what setting we were in now kept things a little more interesting. Again, not anything I haven’t really seen before, but still lively. The fight sequences provided good tension and kept my eyes from closing momentarily.

However, the big thing that helped keep me awake had nothing to do with the movie. There was an autistic guy sitting behind me that wouldn’t be quiet. He kept mumbling gibberish in intervals of about five seconds throughout the entire goddamn movie. The douche-face sitting next to him, whom I assume was there with him, kept telling him to shut up. Wonderful, right? No because the autistic guy didn’t shut up and his companion just came off as abusive after the first hour. I couldn’t switch seats either because the only seats available were right behind an elderly couple that gave me several dirty looks when I did sit near them.

Anyway, I give this ‘movie’ a 1 out of 5. I really have nothing else to add. I hope the next one isn’t as boring and I pray to God that the theatre has plenty of empty seats.